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Cosine by CosmicWaltz

Meant to post this earlier, but got distracted. On a positive, we laid down the foundation of a track. On the neutral, I am at the moment lead guitar, bass, drums, and vocals, but eh, we might just be recording artists until we find people to fill the ranks. But that's neither here nor there.

It's been weird. Not bad weird. In fact, good weird. But weird weird, too.

I had something of a confession a while back about the condition of my lifestyle, which was, well, less than great. And though my health hasn't improved at all, I am doing better by it. I've cleaned up well. I don't even drink anymore. Most of that is because of kidneys, but any road in the sun, huh? And aside from the errant aneurysm or two, I've been doing well. But seriously, say "no" to aneurysms, kids. I didn't know pain like that could exist. In post, it's all cool, but I'm not right in the head, I think. Well, aneurysm, so obviously. Besides, you only remember that pain was there, not how it felt, or at least I don't. It's all groovy in the past. Which is why I keep putting metal through myself! Don't be like me. Unless you are, then be that. Or don't. I like me.

That said, I've taken to the Bohemian life. No job, busking and drawing for money, trying to get a novel and a record off the ground. You know, the good life. Filled with cocaine and groupies! Only without the groupies. Or the cocaine. I'm a boring rockstar. Sure, this runs into the problem of never having money, but I've gotten pretty good at living off bread and fruit. And when you pierce yourself, you don't have to pay someone! Except for the needles and jewelry. Details, yo. That was the earlier post offering commissions. Although there hasn't been much public work, I have been doing commissions behind the scenes. I've far from lost my edge! Reminds me, I don't even think I asked homeslice if he wanted those commissions posted... Would probably be good for traffic and publicity, maybe-kinda. I'll do that.

I will admit, I haven't had almost any upkeep with the fandom. I've lived over a year now without television, which didn't help. I know HUB is now part of Discovery Family, I think it was, and there was a teaser for Season 5 not long ago. Either way, I haven't abandoned it, really, I'm just not so on the pulse anymore. Been putting myself way more into my music, but I still dabble in the ways of the pony and dark arts. Dark arts mostly being outdated Adobe Illustrator.

So, how's everyone/anyone who remembers I exist been?

Oh, and listen to "Portugal. The Man". Good group.
I'm broke! Whoo! Anyone want commissions?
Well, I think my blood is getting a bit more pure now that I've stopped vomiting and pissing orange-black. Got an exemption in the mail for the penalty to not having health care, on the grounds that I can't afford the Affordable Care Act. Yay! I'm subhuman to my own government! Maybe I can stop weathering various organ failures and dislocated joints in my home. Still haven't gotten all the adhesive residue off my leg from when I made a cast out of duct tape for my dislocated ankle. But anyway!

Put in notice at work, and now I'm out of a job. I immediately started sleeping again the moment I decided to do that. I don't know what I'm going to do, honestly. I'm thinking I'm going to coast for a month on what I have, then maybe take something for 10-16 hours a week to just cover bare necessities. But for the moment, I'm free, and it feels... weird. Like a door I've never noticed but was always there. Going to take this time to work on art, maybe hash out a novel I've been wanting to, and definitely focus on music.

I kept saying to myself that I would work a job, and do the things I wanted to around that, until I could eventually make something of them. But instead, I found that at the end of the day, I had too little energy to do anything. I'd just sit around, or read, or sleep. And then I'd say I'd do the things I want on my days off. And then when they came around, I had so much to do that I hadn't gotten to the rest of the week that I wouldn't have any time. And again. And again. And then a year had passed. I'd done almost nothing here. Or anywhere. A few people forgot I even existed. So did I. I keep saying tomorrow, and it's always just one more day away, and it's killing me. And what was I working for? I'd get a check to pay for the fuel to go to work, the junk food I'd eat just to keep morale through the day, and the bills to keep up utilities that mostly served to distract me from what I let my life become. When would that end? Tomorrow? Or tomorrow again? What would I have to look back on at the end of it all? Pay stubs and an empty life. No one is depending on me. No wife, husband. No children. No reason I should be satisfied "just getting by". And for what? I'm terminal. Last night just goes to prove that I don't know when that's going to happen. I'm doing nothing to get nowhere, but passing by distraction. And I hate that. This is a risk, but isn't anything? And what do I have to lose? A house that feels like a prison? A room's worth of stuff I don't even know exists if I'm not looking at it? A thousand distractions to get me through to tomorrow? And at worst, my life? One that doesn't even amount to anything if I'm not doing something with it. Another grave that will fade. I want very, very little in life, but it seems like a profound amount to ask for when so many don't understand. All someone needs is food, water, and somewhere to sleep. I feel better around buskers and the homeless than I do with my family. And if I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I'll fail, just like I have at almost everything else in life. But at least this is something that feels right for a change. Not like the bandage solutions I've tried over and over to make me feel like I'm "normal". Maybe I'm just not. Or maybe, nothing else is. Maybe we've made things so complicated because we're all too scared of being human in a world that doesn't want you to be. But now I'm just being weird, aren't I?

Don't know what's going to happen. But it will certainly be interesting.

Commissions are, well, open. If anyone cares. I have one to work on now when the tremors stop. Blood poisoning sucks, kids; respect your kidneys. Drop me a note if you're interested, or, hay, if you just want to say hi. I'm always up for conversation. You can live a thousand lifetimes if you talk to enough people, you know? See ya around!
Cosine by CosmicWaltz

Meant to post this earlier, but got distracted. On a positive, we laid down the foundation of a track. On the neutral, I am at the moment lead guitar, bass, drums, and vocals, but eh, we might just be recording artists until we find people to fill the ranks. But that's neither here nor there.

It's been weird. Not bad weird. In fact, good weird. But weird weird, too.

I had something of a confession a while back about the condition of my lifestyle, which was, well, less than great. And though my health hasn't improved at all, I am doing better by it. I've cleaned up well. I don't even drink anymore. Most of that is because of kidneys, but any road in the sun, huh? And aside from the errant aneurysm or two, I've been doing well. But seriously, say "no" to aneurysms, kids. I didn't know pain like that could exist. In post, it's all cool, but I'm not right in the head, I think. Well, aneurysm, so obviously. Besides, you only remember that pain was there, not how it felt, or at least I don't. It's all groovy in the past. Which is why I keep putting metal through myself! Don't be like me. Unless you are, then be that. Or don't. I like me.

That said, I've taken to the Bohemian life. No job, busking and drawing for money, trying to get a novel and a record off the ground. You know, the good life. Filled with cocaine and groupies! Only without the groupies. Or the cocaine. I'm a boring rockstar. Sure, this runs into the problem of never having money, but I've gotten pretty good at living off bread and fruit. And when you pierce yourself, you don't have to pay someone! Except for the needles and jewelry. Details, yo. That was the earlier post offering commissions. Although there hasn't been much public work, I have been doing commissions behind the scenes. I've far from lost my edge! Reminds me, I don't even think I asked homeslice if he wanted those commissions posted... Would probably be good for traffic and publicity, maybe-kinda. I'll do that.

I will admit, I haven't had almost any upkeep with the fandom. I've lived over a year now without television, which didn't help. I know HUB is now part of Discovery Family, I think it was, and there was a teaser for Season 5 not long ago. Either way, I haven't abandoned it, really, I'm just not so on the pulse anymore. Been putting myself way more into my music, but I still dabble in the ways of the pony and dark arts. Dark arts mostly being outdated Adobe Illustrator.

So, how's everyone/anyone who remembers I exist been?

Oh, and listen to "Portugal. The Man". Good group.

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CosmicWaltz
Cosine
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:iconyamitora1:
Yamitora1 Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconinubday1plz::iconinubday2plz::iconinubday3plz:
:iconinubday4plz:
Reply
:iconcosmicwaltz:
CosmicWaltz Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
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:iconplcthecd:
PLCTheCd Featured By Owner May 29, 2014
Happy Birthday! :party::iconcakeplz::w00t:

I shall drink to your health! :iconpintplz::beer::iconbudweiserplz::iconwineplz::iconrumplz::iconjackdanielsplz::iconwhiskeyplz::icontequilaplz::iconmargaritaplz::iconmartiniplz::drunk::icondrunkplz:
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:iconcosmicwaltz:
CosmicWaltz Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I miss tequila. XD Thanks!
Reply
:iconchibi95:
chibi95 Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
happy b-day :D
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